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I Want Nothing More
A dialogue with Abba Arsenius on hiddenness, usefulness, and the one thing needful “Arsenius, flee from men, and you will be saved.” — The Sayings of the Desert Fathers The disciple came to Arsenius after sunset. The old man was sitting outside his cell. The disciple bowed and remained standing. After a long while Arsenius said: ARSENIUS: Why have you come? DISCIPLE: Because I do not know what I am supposed to become. Arsenius looked toward the desert. ARSENIUS: Who told you
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 293 min read
I Am the Lord’s
Memento Mori and the Freedom of No Longer Needing to Solve One’s Life “If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” — Romans 14:8 There comes a point when even the desire to understand one’s life must be surrendered. We spend so much of our existence trying to solve it. We turn circumstances into problems. We turn other people into problems. Eventually, and perhaps most cruelly, we turn our
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 145 min read
What Has Already Been Given Cannot Be Taken
The Freedom of the Cross “No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.” — John 10:18 There is a freedom that comes only when we have ceased trying to keep our life. Christ reveals it from the Cross. “No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my own accord.” Those words change everything. From the outside, His life appears to be taken from Him. He is betrayed, arrested, falsely accused, stripped, mocked, condemned, and nailed to the wood. Others seem to possess
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 145 min read
The Peace That Comes When We Cease to Arrange the World
Purity of heart is not having found the way forward, but having ceased to need any way except the will of God. “Those who love your law shall enjoy abundant peace; for them it is no stumbling block.” — Saint Leo the Great There is a peace that comes because circumstances have settled themselves, and there is another peace that comes because the heart has ceased demanding that they be settled. We often confuse the two. We imagine that peace will arrive when the uncertainty is
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 77 min read
Where There Is No Way Out
The terrible freedom of remaining with Christ when nothing changes “Keep thy mind in hell and despair not.” — St. Silouan the Athonite There are moments when the spiritual life ceases to offer consolation. Not because God has withdrawn His mercy, but because He permits every lesser thing upon which we have secretly depended to be taken from our hands. The Fathers knew this place. It is the place where prayer does not change circumstances. Where obedience does not immediately
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 25 min read
The Love That Was There Before Us
Learning to see providence when love seems absent “We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19 There are moments when the heart aches not primarily because it has been wounded by others, but because it begins to see. It sees how little love there is in the world. And worse, it sees how little love there is within itself. We imagine ourselves generous until generosity costs us something. We imagine ourselves merciful until someone wounds us deeply. We imagine ourselves p
Father Charbel Abernethy
Sep 26 min read
When the Horizon Narrows
Stillness, Holy Renunciation, and the Recovery of the One Thing Necessary “But one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.” — Luke 10:42 There are seasons in the spiritual life when God seems to enlarge the horizon. Doors open. Relationships multiply. Work becomes fruitful. One discovers gifts that must be exercised for others, and the heart seems drawn outward in service. There are other seasons when God appears to do pre
Father Charbel Abernethy
Aug 267 min read
When the Door Opens
A Visitor Speaks with Abba Arsenius as His Life Draws to Its End “Why are you weeping, Father? Are you also afraid?” “Indeed, the fear which is mine at this hour has been with me ever since I became a monk.” — Sayings of the Desert Fathers, Abba Arsenius A brother came to see Abba Arsenius when the old man was nearing the end of his life. Word had passed quietly among the brothers that Arsenius had become very weak. The man who had once stood in the palace of the emperor now
Father Charbel Abernethy
Aug 247 min read
Keep Only What Can Become Prayer
Surrendering the Histories We Can No Longer Carry “The fire itself will test what sort of work each one has done.” — 1 Corinthians 3:13 There are moments when the whole history of a life seems to gather itself into a single grief. The death of my friend Fr. Drew Morgan opened such a moment for me. I found myself grieving not only the man, but nearly forty years of shared history: the things we loved, the work we undertook, the hopes we carried, the wounds we inflicted and rec
Father Charbel Abernethy
Aug 239 min read
The First Test of Abiding
The struggle to remain with the Lord is often fiercest precisely when we have resolved to seek nothing but Him. “Abide in me, and I in you.” — John 15:4 There are moments when the spiritual life seems suddenly to become very simple. Not easy, but simple. After years of trying to understand circumstances, discern paths, resolve questions, and discover where everything is leading, the heart hears again the one word that was there from the beginning: Remain. Abide in Me. There c
Father Charbel Abernethy
Aug 165 min read
The Man Who Began to Disappear
A Dialogue with St. Arsenius on Silence, Hiddenness, and the Soul That Grows Weary of Noise “The soul was not created for many things, but for One.” — St. Arsenius the Great A brother came to the cell of St. Arsenius the Great in the evening, and after making a prostration, he remained kneeling with his face to the ground. And the old man said to him: “Why do you remain there, child? Has grief overtaken you?” The brother answered: “Father, I do not know what has become of me.
Father Charbel Abernethy
May 113 min read
Sixty Years and the Sound of a Rooster - Part II
Warming at Another Fire “When they had kindled a fire of coals there… Peter stood with them, and warmed himself.” John 18:18 You would think at sixty a man would know the difference between warmth and fire. The rooster has already crowed once in my life. It crowed when I realized how much of my priesthood was constructed out of activity. It crowed when the doors closed, when requests were denied, when the scaffolding of identity began to fall. It crowed when I saw how often I
Father Charbel Abernethy
Feb 204 min read
When God Takes Your Child for Himself
The Hidden Calling and Grace Given to the Parents of a Monk “When the parents of a monk humbly accept the will of God for their child, then they and he serve only one desire: to do that which is pleasing to the Lord. Then peace will reign in their hearts.” Archimandrite Zacharias Zacharou ⸻ There is a moment when the parents of a monk must make their own offering. It is not made in a monastery. It is made in the hidden chamber of the heart. Until this moment, they believed th
Father Charbel Abernethy
Feb 144 min read
The Pressure That Comes Disguised as Good
On Guarding the Cell When Nothing Appears to Be Wrong “Go, sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” Abba Moses the Black ⸻ There are pressures that come from sin. These are easy to recognize. And there are pressures that come from good things. These are the ones that destroy the solitary. No demon needs to persuade the solitary to commit obvious sin. He only needs to persuade him to leave the cell for reasons that appear justified. To counsel someone. To he
Father Charbel Abernethy
Feb 134 min read
To Become a Fool and Live
A Reckoning with the Ego at the Edge of the Living Tradition “Such renunciation appears intolerable, insane even, to the self willed but the man who is not afraid to become a fool has found true life and true wisdom.” St. Sophrony of Essex Christianity, when you draw near to it, is not reasonable. It is not tidy. It does not fit inside the categories we use to manage our lives, protect our reputations, or justify our instincts. It is a scandal. The God who reveals Himself in
Father Charbel Abernethy
Jan 263 min read
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