To Become a Fool and Live

A Reckoning with the Ego at the Edge of the Living Tradition

“Such renunciation appears intolerable, insane even, to the self willed but the man who is not afraid to become a fool has found true life and true wisdom.”

St. Sophrony of Essex

Christianity, when you draw near to it, is not reasonable.

It is not tidy.

It does not fit inside the categories we use to manage our lives, protect our reputations, or justify our instincts.

It is a scandal.

The God who reveals Himself in Christ does not ask us to be better versions of ourselves. He asks us to die. Not poetically. Not symbolically. He asks for the collapse of the self that wants to understand, control, evaluate, and stand safely outside the fire.

Most of what passes for Christianity today is an elaborate system for avoiding that death. We moralize. We theologize. We argue. We curate opinions about God so we do not have to meet Him. We turn the Gospel into a worldview rather than a wound.

So people live wrapped in a thin shell of religious decency while their hearts remain untouched. They attend church. They say the right things. They defend the faith. But inside there is a quiet cynicism. A sarcasm toward holiness. A suspicion toward anyone who actually believes Christ means what He says.

That is not hypocrisy.

It is fear.

Because the moment the Gospel is taken seriously it looks insane. Turn the other cheek. Love your enemies. Take up your cross. Lose your life. Give away what you cling to. Pray without ceasing. Forgive seventy times seven. Enter by a narrow gate. Become nothing.

This is not spiritual self improvement.

This is self destruction.

And something in us knows it.

So we protect ourselves. We stay in our heads. We hold court with opinions. We talk about God instead of surrendering to Him. We build identities as Christians that keep the true Christ at a safe distance. We call this balance. St. Sophrony calls it muddy water.

The true tradition of the Spirit, he says, flows like a thin pure stream. Not a wide river that accommodates everyone’s preferences and opinions. A narrow current. Clear. Cold. Cutting. And to step into it we must renounce argument. Not just with others but with ourselves.

The argument inside us is constant.

Surely this is too much.

Surely God does not really mean this.

Surely there must be a gentler way.

Surely I can keep something.

That argument is the ego fighting for its life.

St. Sophrony is merciless here. The moment anything of self is introduced the water is no longer clear. The moment I insist on my interpretation, my balance, my psychological safety, my reasonable spirituality, the Spirit recedes. Not in anger. In truth. Because God’s wisdom is the opposite of mine.

This is why monasticism looks insane.

This is why real Christianity looks insane.

Not because it is extreme but because it is real.

It exposes the lie we live by which is that we can belong to Christ without letting Him dismantle us.

To become a fool is not to become stupid.

It is to stop trusting the voice in you that says you know better than God.

It is to stop negotiating with the Cross.

It is to let the Gospel strip you of your cleverness, your self justification, your curated identity, your spiritual resumes, and your hidden unbelief.

The saints did not become saints because they understood God. They became saints because they let themselves be undone by Him.

This is what terrifies us.

We would rather be good Christians than crucified ones.

But Christ does not offer goodness.

He offers resurrection.

And resurrection only comes after something has died.

The thin pure stream is still there.

Quiet. Narrow. Clear.

Flowing through the Church beneath all the noise and opinions and religious performances.

To enter it you must let go of the need to be right.

You must let go of the need to be safe.

You must let go of the need to understand before you obey.

You must become a fool.

And if you dare to do that you will discover what St. Sophrony knew. What every true saint knows.

That what looks like madness to the world is the only sanity there is.