All Roads Lead to Golgotha — and to the Face of God

“What can bring us happiness?” many say.

Lift up the light of your face on us, O Lord.

Psalm 4, Grail

There are nights when the soul feels like a field of quiet embers.

Prayer comes not as triumph, but as longing, a question whispered into the darkness.

I know the hunger beneath those words of the psalm

What can bring us happiness?

Not the labor of my hands, not the work I can point to and say see, this proves my worth.

Not productivity, not usefulness, not the praise of those whose eyes I hope might see virtue in me.

These things fade like breath on a cold window.

The soul knows it was made for more,

And only a little silence is needed for the ache to rise like incense.

Lift up the light of your face on us, O Lord.

Not another task.

Not another achievement.

Only Your face.

Because the truth I resist is this

My life is not measured by what I have done,

but by whether I have turned toward You.

All roads lead to Golgotha

because every life eventually meets its own limit,

its own surrender,

its own moment where the hands fall empty

and the heart stands exposed.

But at Golgotha, the Face of God shines.

Wounded, gentle, unresisting.

The only victory that matters is love.

The only freedom is surrender.

Lord, free me from the tyranny of my own striving

from needing to justify myself

from fearing silence, obscurity, and smallness

from clinging to usefulness as if it were life.

Grant me the poverty that sees You clearly

the simplicity that desires nothing but Your gaze

the courage to let go of every identity but beloved.

I ask not for success or security

but to see Your face.

Let that be enough for me.

And if the path to that vision leads again to Golgotha

if it asks for stillness, obscurity, unanswered questions

then teach my heart to say

not with reluctance but with quiet joy

Here is where You are.

Here I will remain.

Because happiness is not found in what I hold

but in the One who holds me.

So lift up the light of Your face, O Lord

and let all other lights grow dim.