Nothing Left but God: A Psalm in the Ruins of Trust

A Personal Reflection in the Shadow of Psalm 73

There are days when Psalm 73 feels like it was written for the soul that has grown tired from too many years of wrestling with God, with men, and with the hidden places of the heart. The psalmist begins with a truth he clings to almost defensively: Truly God is good to the pure of heart. Yet he immediately confesses the fracture beneath that affirmation. But as for me, my feet came near to stumbling. My steps had almost slipped.

This is not the voice of doubt. It is the voice of exhaustion. A man who has tried to walk faithfully and found the path steep, uneven, and often thankless.

I know that place. The ache that rises when one sees the arrogant prosper while the faithful limp forward with unseen wounds. The psalmist looks upon their ease, their pride, their untroubled strength, and the old bitterness stirs: How useless to keep my heart pure. How pointless to wash my hands in innocence, when I am stricken all day long and punished day after day.

These are not the words of apostasy. They are the words of a heart that has been faithful for so long that fatigue itself begins to feel like betrayal. Obedience becomes a desert. Humility tastes bitter. Prayer feels like a solitary cry that echoes back unheard.

And yet the psalmist stops himself. If I should speak like that, I should betray the race of Your sons. Even in his discouragement, he remembers to whom he belongs. The thread of belonging pulls him back from the brink.

Still, he remains in confusion until the psalm reaches its turning point: I entered the sanctuary of God. Nothing outward has changed, but the place from which he sees has changed. The sanctuary restores the truth. The ease of the wicked is revealed to be an illusion. Their strength is a breath. Their triumph a passing dream. And his envy dissolves not because life suddenly feels fair, but because he sees clearly again.

The psalmist then makes a painful confession: I was stupid and did not understand. I was like a brute beast before You. Yet even here he finds mercy, not rebuke. Yet I was always in Your presence. You were holding me by my right hand.

This is the line that undoes me. Even in doubt. Even in envy. Even in bitterness. God remained near. He held the trembling hand that wanted to pull away. He did not loosen His grip.

The psalmist’s heart breaks open. He sees the truth that all ascetics eventually see, often through tears: that without God there is nothing but shadow. Every lesser love collapses. Every earthly consolation evaporates. And so he cries out: My flesh and my heart grow faint, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This is where my own prayer rises to meet his. If the psalmist says, What else have I in heaven but You, and apart from You I want nothing on earth, then I must say it with him. And if this is true, then I would be the most pitiable of men to turn away from You, my God. Nothing on earth holds my heart as does Your love. Every other desire, however bright for a moment, dissolves into emptiness. Without You I am nothing. Without Your presence the soul shrivels. Without Your mercy my strength decays into pride. Without Your love even the sunlit days become thin and cold.

So I come to You again, Lord, not strong, not triumphant, but weary. If my trust is fragile, receive it. If my heart is bruised, heal it. If my longing is faint, breathe life into it. You alone steady the wavering heart. You alone bind up the wounded places within me. You alone give meaning to the struggle and light to the hidden path.

To turn away from You would be to enter a night without stars. To abandon trust would be to lose the only light I have ever known. You have never abandoned me, even when my own thoughts accused You. You have held my hand. You have guided me when I could not see. You have waited for me when I faltered.

What else have I but You? What else could I seek? Strip me of every false support until I can say not only with my lips but with my whole being: God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

If I have You, I lack nothing. If You withdraw, I have nothing.

Keep me close.

Keep me faithful.

Keep me Yours.