When Life Begins to Limp

The great tragedy in community life is not open rebellion.

It is partial obedience.

A man obeys when it suits him.

He obeys when the commandment seems reasonable.

He obeys when it does not wound his pride.

And he tells himself that he is obedient.

But the fathers speak more brutally.

Eighty percent obedience is simply self-will wearing the clothing of humility.

This is why Archimandrite Zacharias Zacharou speaks with such severity. Obedience is not merely a response to a superior. It is a disposition of the entire being. It is the willingness to place one’s life into the hands of God without reserve.

The elder may be visible.

But the hand that governs the life of the community is not.

When a man resists obedience he is rarely resisting the elder alone. He is resisting the hidden providence of God that arranges his life through circumstances, brethren, corrections, and commands.

This resistance may appear small.

A hesitation.

An argument.

A silent refusal of heart.

Yet the fathers say that something dangerous begins at precisely that moment. The monk begins to measure obedience according to his own judgment. He decides which word he will accept and which he will quietly resist.

The will reasserts itself.

And where the will returns, grace slowly departs.

The effect is not always immediate. The community continues its life. The services are sung. The work is done.

But something subtle begins to change.

The life begins to limp.

The elder carries a burden that should have been shared. Energy that could have been spent building up the community is spent wrestling with the invisible resistance of wounded egos. A few men protecting their own will can quietly drain the spiritual vitality of an entire brotherhood.

This is why the fathers insisted that obedience must extend beyond the elder to every member of the community.

At the tonsure the monk is told that he must obey every brother.

This is terrifying because it destroys the illusion that obedience can be selective. The monk cannot decide that one brother is worthy of respect while another can be ignored. The will must bow before the mystery of God working through the entire body.

Only then does something extraordinary happen.

The heart begins to widen.

A man who ceases defending his own will begins to receive the life of others within himself. The burden of the elder becomes lighter. The life of the community begins to move freely.

And the monk discovers a secret the world cannot understand.

The man who renounces his will does not become smaller.

He becomes vast enough to contain the will of God.

Reflection based upon the writings of Archimandrite Zacharias Zacharou.

The Wondrous and Paradoxical Ethos of Monasticism pp157-158