Walking in the Light of the Living

There is a point in prayer when I can no longer pretend that I am searching for God in some distant place. The truth comes quietly. You have been guiding me from the beginning. You have protected me even when my heart wandered far away. You drew me back from places I could not have escaped on my own. You held me when I did not know how to hold on to You.

When I speak to You now and ask for help to stay attentive and without anxiety I know I am not asking for something new. I am asking to remain with the God who has already carried me. When I say help me trust Your providence I am remembering the pattern of my whole life. Again and again You kept my feet from falling. Again and again You lifted me up when I had no strength.

The psalm gives words to what rises in my heart.

In God whose word I praise

in the Lord whose word I praise

in God I trust.

I shall not fear.

What can mortal man do to me

This is not bravado. It is the knowledge that nothing another person can do reaches the place where You hold my soul. The wounds others have given, the misunderstandings, the losses, the judgments, none of these have ever had the final word. You alone preserved me. You alone brought me back from the brink.

I tell You again that I want to be humble above all things. I want to stop scanning the horizon for signs and simply be present to You where I stand. I want my heart to be still enough that I recognize Your presence in the ordinary moment, in the face of the person before me, in the quiet movements of grace that come without fanfare.

The psalm reminds me that I am bound by the vows I have made to You. Not only the vows spoken but the vows lived in suffering, in longing, in the deep desire to be faithful. And You have always been faithful.

For You rescued my soul from death.

You kept my feet from stumbling.

So that I may walk in Your presence and enjoy the light of the living.

This is what I long for. Not clarity about the future. Not freedom from every burden. Simply to walk in Your presence. To be awake to You. To trust with a childlike confidence that the God who saved me before is the God who stands with me now.

Help me remain in that light. Help me stay close to You in each moment. Help me see that You are not on the horizon but here, near, quietly guiding me step by step.