Not to Us

The soul that has learned where glory belongs

“Not to us, Lord, not to us,

but to Your Name give the glory.”

— Psalm 115

There comes a moment in the spiritual life when a man begins to see the terrible subtlety of his own heart.

At first he imagines that he seeks God.

He prays.

He fasts.

He reads the fathers.

He speaks of repentance and of the Kingdom.

Yet beneath these things another movement quietly grows.

The desire to be seen.

The desire to be right.

The desire to be admired for holiness.

The fathers knew this sickness well. It is not the sin of the world but the sin of the devout. The heart steals what belongs to God and places it upon itself like a crown.

A word spoken well becomes my wisdom.

A ministry that bears fruit becomes my work.

The love of others becomes my worth.

Slowly the soul begins to live from stolen glory.

But God is merciful.

He allows humiliations.

Misunderstandings.

The collapse of reputations.

The quiet fading of recognition.

And the man who once thought himself useful suddenly discovers that he is nothing.

If he does not rebel in that hour, a deeper prayer begins to form within him.

Not polished.

Not noble.

Simply desperate.

Not to me, Lord.

Not to my intelligence.

Not to my words.

Not to the works of my hands.

Not even to my devotion.

The desert fathers say that when a man truly begins to see himself, he stops trying to stand in the light. He becomes content to remain hidden behind the mercy of God.

This is the beginning of freedom.

For the soul that no longer seeks its own glory is no longer enslaved to it.

Such a man can work without needing recognition.

He can speak without needing to be believed.

He can love without needing to be thanked.

His only fear is that God might withdraw His grace.

And so the prayer of the psalm becomes the quiet foundation of his life:

Not to us, Lord.

Not to us.

Whatever good appears in this life—

whatever word bears fruit,

whatever labor brings peace,

whatever light reaches another heart—

let it return where it belongs.

To the Name.

For man is dust.

But the mercy of God shines even through dust when the dust no longer claims the light.