When Words Are Taken From Us

A Prayer Before Entering the Silence of the Fathers

O Lord Jesus Christ,

Word of the Father,

spoken once in eternity

and still speaking in the depths of the heart,

take from me my many words.

I have lived by words that were not born of You.

I have spoken to be heard.

I have spoken to be known.

I have spoken to preserve myself.

I have spoken out of anxiety, out of emptiness, out of fear of disappearing.

And my words have multiplied

while my heart has grown thin.

I come now to sit before the words of Your fathers.

Not as a master.

Not as one who understands.

But as one who is starving.

Their words frighten me, Lord.

Because they are few.

Because they do not explain themselves.

Because they do not flatter the mind.

They stand like stones in the desert,

silent, immovable, unconcerned with whether I understand them.

They were born in silence.

They carry silence within them.

They do not seek my approval.

They seek my death.

Kill in me, O Lord, the need to speak prematurely.

Kill in me the impulse to grasp what can only be received.

Kill in me the arrogance that believes I can possess what can only be entered through repentance.

Let their words accuse me.

Let their words expose me.

Let their words strip from me the illusion that I know You.

Do not allow me to hide behind study.

Do not allow me to replace obedience with discussion.

Do not allow me to become a collector of holy things while remaining unbroken.

Give me the courage to remain before a single word.

To remain when nothing moves.

To remain when nothing is felt.

To remain when I am confronted only with myself.

Let their silence become my silence.

Let their poverty become my poverty.

Let their restraint teach my heart to wait for You.

You spoke the world into being with a word.

Speak now into the nothingness within me.

Not many words.

One word.

A word equal to Yourself.

A word that does not pass through the mind

but pierces the heart

and remains there

burning.

Make me worthy, O Lord,

not to speak,

but to listen.

Not to teach,

but to be taught.

Not to explain,

but to obey.

And if I must remain in silence for many years,

unknown, unseen, unformed,

let me remain there without complaint.

For it is better to hear one word from You in truth

than to speak a thousand words without You.

Take from me everything that is not born of silence.

And leave only the cry that You Yourself have placed within the heart:

Speak, Lord.

Your servant is listening.

Amen.