A Conversation in the Light of Love

A Dialogue between Saint Sophrony and a disciple

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Disciple:

Father, I received a word from an elder. It struck me deeply. He said:

“You are freed from the denial. Your compunction must turn into your abiding in Him. He loves you and wants to abide in you and you in Him infinitely more than you want this. And He wants your love so much that He wants to make your love like His, because Love seeks to be loved as He loves.”

I trembled when I read it. It felt both consoling and terrifying.

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St. Sophrony:

Yes. Such words do not flatter the ego. They strike it.

Tell me — why do you tremble?

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Disciple:

Because I have lived long in compunction. Long in sorrow over my infidelities. There is comfort even in that sorrow. It feels honest. But to move from compunction into abiding — it feels like stepping into something too bright.

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St. Sophrony:

Ah. You see?

Even repentance can become a hiding place.

Compunction is holy when it breaks the heart open. But if you cling to it as an identity, it becomes subtle self-love. You remain the “one who weeps,” instead of the one who abides.

The elder is telling you: Do not build your house in denial. Do not build it even in sorrow. Build it in Christ.

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Disciple:

But Father, how can I trust such love? I have denied Him — not perhaps outwardly, but in small interior ways. Looking away. Protecting myself. Clinging to reputation.

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St. Sophrony:

And you imagine this surprises Him?

When Peter denied Christ, did Christ cease to love Peter? Or did His love grow more manifest?

The Lord allows us to see our denial not to crush us but to heal us. The true tragedy would not be denial. The tragedy would be refusing to abide after forgiveness.

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Disciple:

The elder said He wants to abide in me more than I want to abide in Him. That feels almost impossible.

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St. Sophrony:

It is not almost impossible. It is revelation.

You still imagine your desire as primary. It is not.

Before you ever turned toward Him, He was already turned toward you from all eternity. Before you sought love, Love sought you. Before you repented, He descended into hell for you.

We do not initiate divine life. We respond.

And even our response is sustained by Him.

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Disciple:

But what does it mean that He wants my love so much that He wishes to make my love like His?

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St. Sophrony:

This is the deepest mystery.

God does not want admiration. He does not want religious performance. He does not even want merely your obedience.

He wants communion.

And communion means likeness.

Love desires reciprocity. Not equality of essence, that would be impossible, but participation.

He desires that your love become cruciform. Free. Without self-protection. Without bargaining. Without fear.

He wants you to love as He loves — because only then can you truly receive His love.

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Disciple:

Father… that sounds like death.

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St. Sophrony:

It is death.

But not annihilation. It is the death of self-enclosed existence.

You see, the ego prefers compunction to communion. In compunction, you remain the center: “my sorrow, my struggle, my unworthiness.”

In communion, the center shifts.

You disappear into Love.

And paradoxically, there you are found.

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Disciple:

How does one move from compunction to abiding?

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St. Sophrony:

By trusting forgiveness more than you trust your self-accusation.

By daring to remain in His presence without rehearsing your failures.

By allowing joy to arise without suspicion.

Abiding is not emotional fervor. It is simple, steady remaining.

When the thought of your past arises, do not argue with it. Place it in Christ.

When shame comes, offer it.

When love stirs, do not withdraw.

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Disciple:

There is still fear.

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St. Sophrony:

There will always be fear at the threshold of love.

Because to abide in Him means to relinquish control.

You must let Him define you.

You must let Him love you more than you measure yourself.

You must allow Him to transform your love into His own movement: self-emptying, luminous, unafraid.

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Disciple:

And if I fail again?

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St. Sophrony:

Then you return.

Not to denial. Not to self-condemnation. But to abiding.

The Christian life is not a series of dramatic conversions. It is a continual return to communion.

The elder has given you a great mercy.

He has told you that your compunction has done its work.

Now you must live in the house it opened.

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Disciple:

Father… I do not know if I am ready.

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St. Sophrony:

No one is ready.

But readiness is not the condition. Surrender is.

Christ does not wait until you are worthy to abide. He waits only for consent.

And remember this:

He desires your love infinitely more than you desire His.

Therefore, even your weak consent is already upheld by His eternal will.

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Disciple:

Pray for me, Father, that my sorrow may become abiding.

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St. Sophrony:

I will.

But more importantly, He already is.

Remain.

That is all.